I sat and indulged with 2 bacon and egg McMuffins, waited patiently for 5 minutes for McDonalds’ breakfast to turn to lunch and again lined up to place an order for 2 cheeseburgers, fries and a chocolate sundae but paid an extra $1 to have chocolate sauce down the bottom too.
This is total truth. It’s about the fourth time I’ve been to McDonald’s in the last few months…again something I NEVER do nor allow our children to see.
I sat in the window of Ryde McDonald’s hoping no one would see me, in my new Ivy Park Active wear pretending to be slim, trim and healthy but slowly my waistline was expanding.
To look at a vegetable makes me nauseous but to think of oranges, carbs, pastas, creamy bacon infusions, banana smoothies, chocolate and lollies makes my heart jump with joy and my stomach add a little bit more. This is not me! I’m fit and I eat clean (yes I confess to loving kale), I am the queen of making salads, I love my soups and lean meats, I’m all for egg white omelettes and much to my husband’s detest my favourite drink is water.
I exercise daily and am lighter than I’ve ever been. I invested in a brilliant Personal Trainer last year and after a great 6 months working with her I got myself into a wonderful routine where I now train outdoors by myself doing lots of different cardio, high rep, weights and also will sneak in the swim whenever I can with the under 6 trio.
But this time is different. You see I am over-joyously abundantly filled with feeling ordinary. I have had a record 19 vomiting encounters in one day and the waves of morning sickness that has swept through me since June has been overwhelming. I have cried so much and I’ve never found growing a human so challenging.
I am pregnant. Number 4 is on its way, and this time pregnancy is so very extreme to any other time I’ve experienced.
I am writing an open letter to any and every woman that has or will go through the toughest roughest pregnancy. I’m here to say it’s okay if you’re not finding pregnancy enjoyable. I’m currently not, and this is coming from a lady who is always positive, always happy and the cup is not full but always overflowing. At times I have felt I have lied saying it’s challenging and its tough trying to brighten it up but in reality I have never cried so much, thrown up so much or been so flat because the wave of nausea that sweeps over, under and out of me is intense, the complications we have had behind closed doors and the level of tiredness, is nothing like the last 3 joyful experiences.
I don’t know how many times I’ve said to my husband “I don’t know if I can do this” or if I’ve ever had so much confirmation that this is it, this is all my body will handle and certainly after 4 babies Team Whalan will be complete.
The tiredness that sweeps through me has been so extreme. On more than 9 occasions I’ve fallen asleep too tired to take my shoes off. I’ve been blessed to sleep throughout the day occasionally with the kids and almost demanded our 6 year old lay with me in the hope she would nod off too. I’ve cried so much, cancelled (or suspended!) work commitments and mastered the art of getting through work…that is a must. I learn to take huge breaths if I’m about to vomit or dry reach. Ginger has become my best friend, ice a close second. My favourite position has been the foetal and let’s just say my husband has been so supportive and amazing considering that making this baby is the last time he can remember the union we’ve shared…!
To keep this between us for such a long time was something I always wanted to do with the final pregnancy. We always said 4 children since we married nearly nine years ago but I had secretly wished for twins; what woman doesn’t (or maybe I’m just insane?). Every time we have gone for an ultrasound the first question I ask is “is there only 1 heartbeat?” I’ve wanted to be a mum since the age of 14 and all I said to my group of girlfriends was that I couldn’t wait to be married and have lots of children.
Being a mum is the best reward and role I’ve ever taken on and certainly the most challenging.
Attitude is everything; no matter how I feel, how I look, how I will get through the day, I know it has to be done, because seriously ladies, we are all SuperMum’s. We do what we can with what percentage we have, whether you’re on top of your game after a double macchiato at 100%, or a measly 7% struggling to make it out the door. Your children will rarely tell the difference, instead, keep speaking words over your life, keep talking to that small belly of yours that is growing, keep saying “thanks for making me feel so sick, thanks for letting me know all is well”. Understand the miracle it is knowing how many women crave to feel that intense morning sickness. Understand that a life has been formed and the chances of you falling pregnant no matter how you conceived are slim.
Be okay with pregnancy being tough if this is how you’re feeling but do embrace the changes that will take place with your body. Embrace having full round breasts, embrace your booty becoming more like Beyoncé’s. Embrace thicker hair, more freckles on your skin and that chin slowly doubling. Embrace the swollen ankles for those that carry fluid retention and embrace that the 9 months ahead will come and go and your body will recover, heal and you’ll have experience, character and growth to invest in to a another mother.
This has been my worst best pregnancy. I’ve never wanted Number 4 so much and for us it’s been a journey that’s experienced bumps since August 2015; something we never experienced with the other 3, but its wanted and loved so much and its letting me know how severely it loves me by how much I’m feeling sick.
For any woman on their last pregnancy, appreciate the tough days, express them, be honest but also find the joy so you can help another woman in those tough moments.
Being real is being a friend. Being real is being truthful, being real is love. Being real is eating Mcdonald’s in active wear.
May your journey with pregnancy find moments of sweet spots and above all, the cherished prize you will hold at the end.
Happy swelling xxxxx
Congratulations to you and your body and your husband. You’re amazing!