Who am I? This is a question I started to ask myself a few months back. I felt like chief cook and bottle washer, that was it, 7 days a week. Life was like Groundhog Day. I actually started to feel stupid! I was bored with the routine, a nightmare to live with, lacked motivation and felt pretty useless.
I’m a mum, which in itself is wonderful….but was that it? I felt lost, I’d lost my identity as a woman. And why am I writing this at 4am in the morning? BECAUSE I’m a mum. But I needed more, needed a new challenge, to use my brain and be passionate about something again. I’m only 39 years old and not ready to give up my career yet. I became terribly guilty that I felt that my family weren’t enough. I then found my #dreamteamofwomen in my group of awesome school mum’s and they inspired me, built me up and helped me realise that it’s okay to feel the way I do and that I can be ME again. They helped me build my confidence to go out there and chase that something that’s going to make me feel like I’m more than just the hired help.
I’m not yet back exercising but it’s on the agenda and I don’t feel like a complete failure for not doing it yet. I’m learning to stop beating myself up about things, giving myself a break, I guess you could say I’m kinder to myself. I’m not a failure for not going for that run, not ironing my son’s top, for giving my daughter cheese and vegemite sandwiches for the third day in a row. Yes I’m a mum but I’m also lots of other things. And useless isn’t one of them. A new full time job doing what I love, a new home, a new secret project, a new wardrobe and I wake up excited about the day, not dreading a repeat of yesterday.
I’m a better mum and partner for it and a happier person. Most importantly I am slowly getting to know who I am again.
