I am struggling to write this article because it is hard to describe the feeling of being a step mum. All I want to achieve by sharing is an open dialogue and a mutual respect for a role that is different but also the same.
There are absolute moments of joy. But the reality is that it is hard to navigate and the feelings are complicated. Biological mothers have the hormones and the nother nature liquid that runs through their veins. Step mums don’t.
A blog I read said “step mums deal with feelings of jealousy and resentment” and these are feelings that cannot be expressed because people will judge you. Enter the ongoing internal emotional battle we face.
The step mum community is large. We play an important role in the kids’ lives. Best case scenario we are part of their life 50-60% of the time. I am on the P & F for my eldest, I do canteen duty, I do pick up, I stand sideline at rugby and netball. I read with them. I battle through homework with them. I try and make them eat vegetables and try new things. I remind them, constantly, that manners will get them everywhere. I try and teach them about charity, community and respect. I try and encourage my daughter to be strong and bold. My sons to be loving and respectful. I show them all as much love as I can. I don’t have my own children. That is my choice (and one I don’t need to justify – even though I get asked every day whether I do and whether I will).
Here is the reality…
Despite all I do, I know I will never be loved in the same way that they love their biological parents. I will give up a lot for them and I know that only when they are older will they start to understand how much I did. I have to wait at least 13 years for all 3 of them to appreciate what I do. That is the mother nature benefit. When you are down and out as a biological parent, one smile, one hug will make it better because the hormones surge. That doesn’t happen for step parents. That doesn’t make us bad people. It is nature. It doesn’t make me less of a parent or less of a step mum.
It makes me honest.
A Step parents role will always be different but it’s one I take with a full heart and any hugs I get, I greatly appreciate.
